


Before We Blind the Eye

by anantisocialsmusings



Category: Life of the Party D&D (Web Series)
Genre: Episode 30, Feelings, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, How Do I Tag, M/M, Sleepy Vanden, Soft Boys, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, falling asleep, just so soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:27:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23182441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anantisocialsmusings/pseuds/anantisocialsmusings
Summary: Vanden briefly considered going to see Astra, but thought better of it, Astra was probably asleep and he wouldn't want to be woken up to hear Vanden’s silly worries. Instead, he looked at Cassian who was glancing between the map and his spell book. Vanden hesitated and spoke.Vanden is tired and stressed, he knows he needs to get out of his head, but everyone except Cassian is asleep, so Vanden opens up to Cassian.
Relationships: Cassian/Renard (Life of the Party)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 58





	Before We Blind the Eye

Vanden dragged his finger along the path that they would follow into the Charnel House, checking for the sixth time that Boblem and Astra would be in range to cast their spells that Cassian would be ready to jump into the fray. Vanden squeezed his eyes shut, and sagged dejectedly into the chair. Vanden was exhausted, days of less sleep than usual weren’t helping him and logically he knew there was nothing more he could really do at the moment, aside from getting some sleep, but he was terrified that if he stopped, he would miss something and everything would go wrong, and someone would get hurt. Anyway if it did go right what was he supposed to do when he finally had the answers, or what if the answers weren’t at the Charnel house? Suddenly Astra’s voice cut over the questions that cycled loudly around Vanden’s skull, ‘you need to get out of your head’.

Vanden opened his eyes and glanced toward the door, Vanden briefly considered going to see Astra, but thought better of it, Astra was probably asleep and he wouldn't want to be woken up to hear Vanden’s silly worries. Instead, he looked at Cassian who was glancing between the map and his spell book. Vanden hesitated and spoke his voice trembling,

“I hate admitting this but I'm... scared,” He said avoiding Cassian’s eyes

“That’s completely fair... of what in particular” Cassian replied gently, looking searchingly at Vanden

Vanden hesitated, considering his answer, “of what I'm going to find” he paused, half surprised at the way that Cassian had responded and unsure of what to say next “I know we've got this tactically, we're proving time and time again, we're good at that, but…” he hesitated unsure how to put his fears into words 

“But it could be anyone’s name on that scroll,” Cassian said, summing up Vanden’s fears

“Yes,” Vanden sighed glancing toward Cassian, their eyes catching. 

“And if the one Boblem found earlier was anything to go by, it could just be an initial” Cassian said carefully, Vanden clenched his teeth, that hadn't been a possibility he had considered, talking to Cassian wasn't helping but he sighed. 

“It could be nothing” Vanden half laughed, to cover the sorrow in his voice he paused looking for the right words “I need this scroll to go home and clear my name, I'm hoping there'll be information on it that I might be able to find out what happened to my brother... and it could be nothing and then what?” Vanden said, his head spiralling to the absolute worst possible conclusions

“I don't know, it's, a lot, but, hopefully, it will yield something and if not, we are in this city for longer, that Kahnym fellow is going to come back and find his place absolutely ransacked, we can always go back for him” Cassian paused, “take it from his mouth” he smiled softly towards Vanden hoping that his words would calm Vanden who was obviously stressed.

“You're right, ah, I don't think I'm strong enough to take him down,” Vanden said sheepishly

“There’s six of us and one of him, he won't make it out alive,” Cassian said assuredly

Vanden sighed feeling defeated and without thinking rested his head on Cassian’s shoulder, Cassian froze up. Startled at the sudden unexpected contact, unsure of how to proceed. Both surprised and glad at the amount of trust Vanden was putting in him and terrified of frighting Vanden off.

“I've spent years of my life studying how to do things like this and I just feel, out of my depth,” Vanden said, almost smiling as if he couldn’t believe what they had come too 

“I've spent none of my life doing things like this and... Yes we're all a rather out of our depth aren’t we” Cassian said lightly watching Vanden, their faces inches away “but we make a good team and...” Vanden cut him off

“I have a lot of faith in all of you,” Vanden said, as if there were some deeper meaning to it, Cassian smiled

“We all have a lot of, faith in each other in, at least some regards,” Cassian said gently reaching behind and ever so gently placed his hand on Vanden’s shoulder, waiting for Vanden to jump up, or jolt away, but Vanden didn’t he tensed for a second, and then seemed to relax further into Cassian. 

“I just don't have any faith in myself” Vanden almost whispered

“Well you should,” Cassian replied his voice lowering “why do you think everyone listens to you for orders and advice? You're good at it, you're a Commodore after all.” Cassian said gazing down at Vanden.

Vanden chuckled “I guess… I guess you're right.” Vanden paused as if he was going to say something else and then decided against it 

“You told me I was a better man than I gave myself credit for, I think you should allow yourself the same kindness,” Cassian said softly, there was a pause, Cassian watched Vanden’s eyes flicker across the many sheets of parchment strewn across the war table and then shut his eyes. They sat like that for a moment, Vanden’s head on Cassian’s shoulder, and Cassian’s arm lightly around Vanden.

It was Cassian who spoke first breaking the silence, “You know, I thought I knew better, I thought I was old enough to avoid attachment, I thought I had made that mistake enough times to not make it again, apparently I was wrong” he said with a sort of sadness in his voice,

“You wanted to avoid attachment?” Vanden asked, “And you thought taking a long trip with a small group was going to help with that?” Vanden said incredulously

“I admit it’s not one of my more well thought out plans, but you all annoyed me so much that I thought I might be fine, and anyway, I don’t think you can say much, were you intending to become so attached to this little group?” Cassian smiled down at Vanden

Vanden chuckled

“Our biggest fears: becoming attached, I swear I was trying not to become invested in this little group, but it seems it’s too late,” Vanden said, there was a pause

“You know I wanted to hate you Vanden,” Cassian said leaning his head back to look at the ceiling, “you were a pain in the arse, you were so headstrong, so interested in ‘doing the right thing’ and so fucking noble, I couldn’t stand you” Cassian paused and looked down at Vanden who had shifted his head so he was looking right at Cassian.

“this mercenary from who knows where showed up, decided he was in charge, refused to listen to me, didn’t seem swayed by my charm and on top of all that was so handsome, everything about you should have pissed me off, and to a point it did, but you were so annoyingly noble and you cared so much,” Cassian paused and broke Vanden’s gaze, “about all of us, even when we didn't deserve it" Cassian took a deep breath 

"Cassian..." Vanden broke in but Cassian kept going

"you are stupidly self-sacrificing but you would do anything for anyone of us, you are so easy to fluster and I want to, in equal parts annoy and impress you, I want you to look at shocked and proud at me like you did when we fought in the ruins” Cassian eyes flickered down to Vanden whose face was that exact expression, shocked and proud then he laughed glancing away from Cassian 

“I did hate you,” Vanden said, “you acted like you were better than everyone, you didn’t respect any boundaries and seemed to take great delight in winding me up…” Vanden said plainly

“I did take great delight winding you up, still do, I find it thrilling” Cassian teased watching Vanden’s face turn red

“Cassian” Vanden admonished turning his face into Cassian’s shoulder and inhaled trying to calm the fire on his face, Cassian smelled like sea salt, lavender and something Vanden didn’t know the name of.

“Yet despite all your insults and your self-obsession, you stayed with us, you might have started off this journey by always thinking of yourself first but I’ve seen you change, you care what happens to the group and sometimes you are better at it than I am, when Sariel had her panic attack I didn’t even notice, I should have done… something” Vanden said

“Vanden, you were busy with more important things, like Elyse turning against us, do not blame yourself” Cassian insisted lazily

“And then when you saw I was struggling on the mêlée attack front you bought a sword learned to sword fight” Vanden fired back

“A thinly veiled excuse to spend more time with you” Cassian grinned “and it worked extremely well if I do say so myself” Cassian winked at Vanden and watched as Vanden turn pink again before he sat up looking Cassian in the eyes

“I want this to work” Vanden proclaimed suddenly

“What? Tomorrow, us, the group?” Cassian said stunned and stalling for time barely daring to hope what was happening was Vanden's confession

“I mean all of those things, but I was referring to us in particular,” Vanden said, nervous now his eyes darting across Cassian face looking for signs, waiting.

Cassian paused “I want it to work too” his eyes meeting Vanden’s

“What?” Vanden said, surprised

“This Vanden, I want us to work,” Cassian said honestly 

“Then we can make this work, together,” Vanden said almost questioningly.

“We can work this out together” Cassian smiled “truly Vanden”

Then Vanden leaned in a softly placed a kiss on Cassian’s lips, Cassian inhaled suddenly, shocked by this action that he almost forgot to respond, allowing Vanden to just pull away worriedly before cupping Vanden’s chin and pulling him back to a long, soft kiss, Vanden’s hand finding its way into Cassian’s hair and Cassian’s hand to the small of Vanden’s back. Vanden pulled back softly panting for breath, Cassian couldn’t help but notice the dark rings under Vanden’s stunning blue eyes. Cassian pulled back and kissed Vanden’s forehead and gently pulled back as Vanden yawned.

Cassian chuckled and Vanden turned his head away from Cassian, turning pink. 

“We should work this out in the tomorrow when you’re not overtired, stressed and we’ve worked out a new plan of action,” Cassian said turning Vanden gently back to face him

“You’re probably right” Vanden conceded, letting his head falling back to Cassian’s shoulder

“I know I’m right” Cassian smiled down at Vanden, watching Vanden’s eyes flutter shut and then he felt Vanden’s hand slip into his. He looked down at Vanden’s pale freckled hand linked with his dark one, decorated with gold and felt his heart speed up, somehow still shocked at the casual touch. Cassian stared at the sight for too long and when Cassian glanced back to Vanden he realised that Vanden was asleep, Vanden’s breath coming in soft puffs against Cassian’s neck and once again Cassian was once again taken back by the amount of trust in the gesture. He watched the gentle rise and fall of Vanden’s chest and the flutter of his eyelids and softly kissed Vanden’s forehead

“Sweet dreams little Prince” Cassian whispered, imagining the amount indignation he would have received if Vanden had been awake and then shut his eyes. Slipping into a meditative state focusing on the feeling of Vanden pressed up against him.

It could have been minutes or hours before they were disturbed. Cassian was shaken from his trance by the sound of the door opening he turned his head gently to see Sariel standing silently in the doorway taking in the scene

“He’s asleep,” Cassian said as loudly as he dared 

“You should wake him then,” Sariel said quietly “the others will be in shortly,” she said in a warning tone   
“I will,” Cassian said glancing down at Vanden as the door clicked shut once again, watching the peaceful expression on Vanden’s face “a few more minutes couldn’t hurt,” Cassian said hating to disturb Vanden’s peace.

In the end, Cassian woke Vanden 30 seconds before Elyse walked in.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for reading! I hope it made you as happy as writing it made me. Please leave a kudos and comment if you enjoyed. feel free to correct any mistakes I've made but this is my first published work so please take that in to account!


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